Dr Caroline Taylor: Grief awareness week – supporting working dads in their time of grief

The loss of a child, whether it be through termination of pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, or even sudden infant death syndrome, is tragic. The grief that pursues can feel overwhelming for parents and impact their mental and physical health. 

Whilst there has been much research on the impact on mothers, there is very little research about the experiences of fathers. This Grief Awareness Week, 2^nd – 8^th December, we want to shine a light on the signs and symptoms of grief in fathers and how employers can provide support in the workplace.

What is grief? 

Grief refers to the psychological, social, emotional, and biological responses following the loss of a loved one. Mourning is a period of adjustment to the loss of a valued person which is not necessarily problematic. Research in this area has established a model of the seven stages of the ‘normal’ process of mourning, which is considered to last approximately six to 12 months.

The stigma surrounding the loss of a child

Every year there are thought to be a quarter of a million miscarriages and more than 11,000 hospital admissions for losses due to ectopic pregnancies. There is still a stigma around talking about the loss of a foetus or infant, despite half of adults in the UK reporting that they, or someone they know, has experienced pregnancy or baby loss.

Earlier this year, the government introduced in England a certificate of baby loss for bereaved parents who lose a baby before 24 weeks of pregnancy. This then recognises the impact and importance of early pregnancy loss. Bereavement services are also now available in almost every NHS trust in England, seven days a week, to support parents in their grief.

We know that speaking about your feelings is a key part of adjustment and recovery, so it is vital that parents don’t feel they are alone in their grief and can turn to friends, family, colleagues, or medical professionals to provide support.

Thankfully awareness of grief in relation to these situations is also growing due to an increase in well-known figures speaking out about it, such as John Legend and his wife Chrissy Teigen who lost their baby during late pregnancy, and Gary Barlow whose daughter was stillborn.

How grief can present in fathers 

Most fathers navigate the loss of their child through stoicism, self-isolation and hard work. They are also more likely to work than mothers in this situation, keeping busy by using goal-oriented tasks, and will typically grieve in isolation than in public, deflecting attention from their suffering to prioritise support for their partner. However, these coping mechanisms are inadequate for navigating grief and could lead to more mental and physical health conditions as a result.

With respect to physical morbidities, fathers typically experience an increase in acute illnesses, medication changes, and hospitalisation in the first six months after the death of a child. Self-reported depression can remain constant even 3-5 years after a child’s death.

Stillbirth has been associated with parental depression, anxiety disorder, social phobia and PTSD and this can be demonstrated in an individual through grief suppression or avoidance, employment difficulties, financial debt and increased substance use.

How can you support fathers in your workforce?

Grief can impact people’s ability to carry out their role at work, as essential aspects of daily functions cannot be carried out.

Employers can help individuals to seek third party support, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which is aimed at promoting adaptation to the loss, including acceptance of the loss and restoring a sense of meaning and satisfaction in life without the deceased loved one.

There are also organisations like the charity, Sands, which supports anyone affected by the death of a baby, before, during or shortly after birth, for as long as that person needs, providing bereavement care resources to ensure that every bereaved parent and family receives the best possible care wherever they are in the UK.

Bereavement support groups can provide a useful source of support. They can help people feel less alone and help them avoid isolation that can increase the risk for prolonged grief disorder.

Other workplace support can include:

Expressing your condolences: Let the employee know you’re there for them, either in person or with a note.

Asking how they’re feeling: Ask how they are doing and how you can help. You can also invite them to share how they’re feeling and have open conversations. This will help you to ascertain if they have Prolonged Grief Disorder and help you to know what type of support to provide them.

Offering practical help: You can offer to help with tasks like picking up groceries, taking care of pets, or coordinating meal deliveries. You can also offer flexible working hours, additional breaks, adaptations to their job role, or time off.

Respecting their space: Give them time alone or with their family. You can also ask if they want you to tell the team about their bereavement.

Checking in regularly: Speak to the individual regularly to show you care. You can agree on how often you’ll check in.

Considering bereavement leave: It is worth considering implementing a policy that says employees can take a period of paid leave specifically for pregnancy loss. Providing paid time off can help employees process their emotions and attend to personal matters. You can also help plan their workload while they’re off, such as pushing back deadlines or having someone else take on a project.

If a child is stillborn after 24 weeks of pregnancy, the birth father can take up to 2 weeks of paternity leave or pay, the same for the partner of the birth mother or adopter. The individual will also be entitled to 2 weeks of parental bereavement leave after they finish their paternity leave.

If a miscarriage happens in the first 24 weeks of pregnancy, there’s no entitlement to statutory paternity or parental bereavement leave. As an employer you should approach the individual with care and consider offering time off to help them, during this very upsetting and difficult time.

Although there is no “cure” for grief, there are a myriad of ways you, as an employer, can support individuals in the workplace. It all begins by making sure employees understand there is an open forum for conversations about grief and comfort in knowing they are not alone but supported during this time.