Are you relying on exclamation marks? Padding your language with phrases like “just,” “actually,” or “I think”? Or peppering emails with smiles or emojis? All these are signs of ‘her-alysis’—a phenomenon where women change their workplace behaviours to appear more compliant, humble, or likeable.
A recent study by caba reported that over three-quarters of women regularly rewrite their emails out of fear of getting a negative reaction. As more of us aim to get promotions and secure higher positions in the workplace, it’s important to identify areas that might be holding us back.
Women often change their behaviour by rewriting emails and adding exclamation marks or qualifiers to soften their manners. ‘Her-alysis’ can suggest something more than just wanting to be liked – it can reflect lower confidence or wanting to avoid confrontation which can suggest that women feel less sure of their professional position and authority.
These habits can hold you back in the office
Even casually tossing in “sorry” too often can chip away at your authority. Such small habits, though seemingly harmless, may hold you back from being seen as a clear and confident professional.
They could reflect a lack of confidence or a feeling of uncertainty regarding authority in the office. And, what’s worse- we may not even be aware that these behaviours are influencing how we’re perceived at work.
While these behaviours may seem trivial, they can have a big impact on both your professional life and mental health. These habits can cause you to overthink which can lead to feelings of burnout.
Repeatedly questioning yourself, feeling overlooked, or fearing rejection can affect your mental wellbeing and consistently downplaying achievements or changing your communication style can put you at risk of missing opportunities for recognition and leadership roles.
With almost two-thirds of women from caba’s study admitting to regularly experiencing self-doubt in the workplace, these feelings of doubting your abilities could hinder future career progression.
To avoid this, building a strong sense of self-confidence is key to achieving a sense of safety and satisfaction in the workplace.
How can women build confidence in the workplace?
Use confident language
Start small by sending that work email without editing it too many times. Get comfortable with being clear and direct. Avoid softening your message with unnecessary exclamation points or overly apologetic language. These subtle language changes will give your message more authority. By practising this, you’ll gradually build confidence in your communication. Embrace the simplicity of directness.
Set boundaries and prioritise wellbeing
Taking on too much doesn’t prove resilience—it drains it. Developing clear boundaries and the courage to say “no” are essential for balance. Remember, seeking support is a skill, not a weakness. This can help you manage stress and excel at your job, unapologetically.
Build a supportive network
Your support network can provide valuable encouragement, guidance, and a safe space to discuss your concerns or ask for help on how to reduce stress to manage your priorities. This network can include friends, family, colleagues, or mentors who understand your challenges and can offer different perspectives. Lean into your network, and don’t hesitate to ask questions or share your struggles. Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness and it can lead to meaningful solutions and a sense of connection.
Celebrate your achievements
Recognising and celebrating your achievements is a powerful yet often overlooked strategy for workplace wellbeing. Taking time to acknowledge your wins—no matter how small—provides a valuable confidence boost, reminding you of your strengths and progress. Each celebration reinforces a sense of accomplishment, which fuels motivation and resilience. During moments of self-doubt, looking back at what you’ve achieved can reassure you that you’re capable. This practice not only improves self-confidence but also builds a positive mindset, encouraging you to keep moving forward. Embracing achievements can be a simple yet impactful way to nurture your wellbeing.
Capitalise on feedback
Giving feedback is a great way to build your self-confidence in the workplace. When you address situations where you feel disrespected or spoken down to, offering constructive criticism allows you to communicate boundaries while encouraging others to improve their behaviour. Feedback can be a tool to foster a healthier, more respectful environment, where you feel valued and heard. Similarly, if you feel your success is being downplayed, the only way to resolve this is by talking through it.
Building and maintaining confidence at work is an ongoing task. It requires self-awareness, continuous learning, a positive mindset, and the willingness to step out of your comfort zone. But remember confidence is a skill that can be developed and within your control. If you’re interested in finding ways to improve your confidence, caba offers support, development courses and other helpful resources through its dedicated online space to help women in the workplace.
Candice Baker
Candice Baker is an experienced HR professional with over 20 years of experience. With a track record of success in partnering with SMEs to optimise their HR practices, Candice specialises in providing tailored solutions that empower businesses to attract, retain, and develop top talent.
