The dead weight of knowing you have to deliver bad news can feel like the heaviest pressure. The responsibility for others – whether you’re speaking to your closest team or a vast nation – is not something anyone with a conscience takes lightly.
As a coach, I’ve worked with leaders announcing redundancies, CEOs navigating crises, and public figures responding to major world events. At its heart the question is simple:how to speak directly and honestly, facing the facts and acknowledging the pain, while taking care of those you lead.
So many people dig their heads in the sand and hide behind a speechwriter’s words (whether that’s ChatGPT or your comms team). Don’t do it. It may feel easier to hide but it will destroy trust.
Presence Is The Answer
Go back to the real source of courage which originates from the Old French word “corage” which itself derives from the Latin word “cor,” meaning “heart.
Be truly courageous – loop your words through your heart – with the proviso that of course sometimes you can’t name everything and may need to find the precise framing dictated by the situation – the true art of diplomacy.
Politicians will tell you that in those moments you must start with the parts of the message that you truly believe, because it will switch on your passion and your purpose – key to gravitas in my bestselling book Gravitas (Gravitas = knowledge + passion + purpose – anxiety)
Presence is the answer – showing up honest, compassionate and you in the moment of difficulty, looping it through your heart.
Easier said than done, right?!
Here’s How
First, get grounded. The body speaks. Your audience reads your nervous system first – do you sound like the calm pilot of the plane – can they trust you? Or are you deceiving them? So self regulate first.
Before you say a word, press pause. Take 10 or more minutes to sit quietly, get away from your devices. Find your calm. Breathe low and slow. Uncross your arms. Relax your shoulders. Soften your eyes and face. Massage your jaw – it resets your energy as we often tense the jaw when we are under pressure.
Find a feeling of safety in the uncertainty, trusting that if your anxiety is loud in your head, paying attention to the body is the off switch for the brain. Feel the clothes on your skin, the air on your face and notice your mind quieten.
Second: If you feel emotion, the secret is “ride it, don’t hide it.” Perhaps you feel emotional? Name it – “I really care about this and I’ve thought a lot about what to say today.”
Third: Name the common challenge you can unify behind. “We know that the economy is challenging….”
This brings you together to move forward. It allows you all to triangulate to a common space so that collectively you can find a solution, something advised by the author Michael Grinder.
Fourth: Move the audience from a fixed mindset around their pain to a growth mindset. Focus on what can they learn, how can they grow, what meaning can they make. Victor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning is brilliant on this.
The Right Questions
The questions to mull on then are:
- When have you experienced this before?
- What did you learn? How did you grow?
- What was the belief shift the difficult moment gave you?
- If you could share one idea to help them what would it be? How can they move forward?
- Stories are powerful – you can tell a story about a time you went through something similar. Or perhaps about someone in your business or even another organisation.
- Share the insights that the audience can use to see this moment as an engine of growth, to make meaning of this tough time.
When you feel the weight of a moment where you have to be the bearer of bad news, come back to the meaning that you make for your audience. It’s not something you can outsource, have the courage to speak from your own heart, your own experience, your own emotion.
It’s your knowledge, passion and purpose that will help your audience and your ability to manage your anxiety. Your own stories, values and beliefs are what lifts an audience just as the news you are sharing might weigh them down. Lean into it, they will be grateful as you find the meaning in the heaviness.
Caroline Goyder is the founder of Gravitas Method, and an expert speaker and voice trainer. Caroline also worked for more than a decade at London's Royal Central School of Speech and Drama as a voice coach. Her TEDx debut on The Surprising Secret to Speaking with Confidence has been viewed almost 11 million times and rising.
Clients have included Cabinet Ministers, a Queen, the magician Dynamo, and businesses as varied as Mastercard, Netflix, and Balfour Beatty. She's the author of best-selling books Gravitas and Find Your Voice and the creator of two new self-paced courses Master Your Speaking and Master Your Meetings.