Jessica Stephenson-Clarke: Supporting employees through grief – a guide for compassionate workplaces

30th August is National Grief Awareness Day in the UK. Not only can grief have a devastating effect on people’s personal lives, it can also have a knock-on effect in the workplace too.

According to a recent survey, 47% of employees stated their performance at work was negatively affected by grief, while 57% suffered from mental and physical symptoms. Here, I will outline some tips on how best to support employees dealing with grief.

Grief is a universal human experience and yet it remains one of the most challenging and personal journeys we face. We’re often told not to talk about death and the grief we face, leaving it hidden in the dark and often can be a very isolating time. As renowned grief expert Dr. Julia Samuel says, “Grief is the price we pay for love. And it’s not just the loss of the person, it’s the loss of the future you thought you were going to have.”  When an employee experiences the death of a loved one, the impact can be felt across all areas of their life including work.

Grief can be multi-faceted, affecting us physically, spiritually and socially. Therefore, the support we offer to those experiencing it must also be comprehensive. There is no one-size-fits-all all approach, every bereavement is unique which falls for flexible and compassionate responses from employers.

1.     Everyone responds differently to grief

How you personally respond to grief might be very different from how the rest of your team does. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way of responding. It’s important to acknowledge and respect different responses to grief.

Some ‘common’ responses to grief might include:

–          Immediately needing to take time off work and focusing on family

–          Coming into work ‘like nothing happened’ and only taking time off for a funeral

–          Working from home with a limited case load

–          Coming into work but having very limited capacity

It can be easy to think an employee is ‘fine’ if they want to come into work but this is one of the many coping strategies and we cannot underestimate their experience. While some employees might want to talk about their loss, others may prefer to keep their personal lives separate from work. Follow the employee’s lead and avoid pushing them to share more than they’re comfortable with.

2.     Grief has no timeline

Grief doesn’t follow any predictable pattern or schedule, often reappearing during unexpected moments. It’s important to be patient and remember that there is no deadline for being ‘over it’ as that often isn’t the case. The grief of a loved one is something that doesn’t go away but life evolves and flourishes around it, making its impact less aggressive over time.

As an employer, it’s a tricky balance between respecting time for a bereavement and managing the productivity levels of the team. Some employees may seem fine initially but struggle months later when the reality of their loss sets in. Others might have difficulty from the start but improve more quickly.

It’s important as an employer to have a long-term support system in place including check-ins not just immediately upon the return back to work but in the months that follow. Try to be mindful during potentially difficult periods such as anniversaries or the festive season when your team member might need some extra support, or just a reminder that their grief hasn’t been forgotten.

3.     Ensure you have a bereavement policy

A thorough bereavement policy should be part of every employment contract, providing clear guidelines whilst allowing for flexibility to accommodate varying experiences of grief.  On a practical level, this allows you as a business to know and respect a timeline for when to begin contact with your team member about their transition back to work, whilst allowing them time to fully concentrate on what’s going on at home.

Your policy should recognise and address different types of loss – whilst the death of an immediate family member is commonly acknowledged, consider how your policy treats the loss of a close friend, a miscarriage, or even the death of a pet. By broadening the scope of what’s considered ‘valid grief’, you signal to your employees that their emotional experiences are valued and respected.

This might include a set number of paid bereavement days immediately following a loss, with the option to use additional paid or unpaid leave as needed. Remember that grief doesn’t operate on a fixed schedule and employees may need time off for practical matters (like arranging a funeral) as well as for emotional processing.

4.     Create a realistic back-to-work plan

Coming back to work after time off can be particularly difficult – “will there be probing questions?” “Will I be able to keep up with my workload?” Offering flexibility here is crucial as every team member’s needs will be different.  Within this, it’s also important to take into consideration how differing cultural backgrounds can influence how team members experience and express grief. Being aware and sensitive to certain practices will help to support your colleague rather than offering a one-size-fits-all all approach. Your HR team or the manager should be having a conversation to create a back-to-work plan and ask the team member what feels best for them and try, where possible, to come to a plan which works for everyone involved.

This could look like considering adjustable schedules or workloads, starting later or leaving earlier, reducing their hours temporarily or reassigning certain high-stress tasks. The goal is to help the employee maintain their professional responsibilities while acknowledging their reduced capacity during this difficult time. Whilst many organisations do operate a remote work option, this is a particularly useful option for grieving team members who might need space to process their emotions whilst avoiding the stress of commuting or facing colleagues. Within this, it’s important to think of what other support is available to your team such as counselling services. It’s vital that these services are completely confidential and easy to access.

5.     Train managers and colleagues on grief sensitivity

Creating a supportive environment goes beyond just formal policies and training – it’s about cultivating an open and safe place for everyone to be able to share what’s going on for them if they choose to. It’s important to understand that not everyone will want to share about their grief or experiences and that, for some, work will be their escape from a highly emotional time at home.  For some people, there’s nothing worse than coming back into work to prying eyes and lots of “how are you?”. It’s vital that only people who need to know are informed of the bereavement rather than the news becoming workplace gossip, which can sadly often be the case.

Grief is something that we will all have to face at some point and therefore it’s important that all managers have the relevant training on how to support their teams. Training can be provided to cover the basics of what grief is, how it can affect individuals as well as how it can impact work. Within this, training can look at the right communication tools to support grieving team members, including what to (and what not to!) say, knowing what practical support can be offered and how to respect the boundaries needed for the team member to move through their difficult time. This allows the team member to be supported on a human level rather than simply from a HR angle.

Bringing these conversations into the open during training can be uncomfortable but it’s important that team members feel safe expressing their needs and struggles, increasing overall trust and resilience within the team not just in this area but in many others.

How an employer chooses to support their team during a period of grief can be make or break for the future of that employee. It creates an overall impression on how valued they are within the team and, therefore, it is a crucial aspect of maintaining a healthy and productive workplace which your team enjoys being a part of. The most crucial factor in an effective shift back to work is the involvement of the team member who is grieving to work with them, in line with policies already in place, to create a supportive environment which they feel they actually want to return to.